Awkward

Oh how I detest those awkward little situations that seem to arise day after day... awkward misunderstandings, awkward mis-communications... awkward feelings that arise when I'm asked to do things that just make me really uncomfortable.

As a freelance designer I find myself cringing and getting hot around the ears when I have to discuss money matters with my clients. I dread billing and actually lose sleep when bills are late, knowing I will have to send a payment reminder. I feel strangely guilty about charging money even though that's the basis of doing business. Is it just me? Why do I feel so weird about discussing my hourly rate with new potential clients?

And then there's the awkward moment when I'm asked to design or illustrate something totally out of my comfort zone or something I find really ridiculous... but it's work, and that's why I'm here... to work. UGH. If there's anything at all that I miss about being employed by a company, it's the comfortable distance from clients' questions and billing. Maybe I'm just not cut-out to freelance? But I have no choice but to suck it up and handle all of this - I've already been doing this on my own for over 6 years now... shouldn't it get easier?

There's also the personal side of awkward that comes from family and friends... asking the impossible (well, the impossible for me) and not understanding why I have to decline. I find myself hiding from Facebook just to avoid the inevitable awkward moment when I have to try to explain why I can't go here or there for this or that reason. For the most part, my reasons are due to lack of money and unwillingness to leave my daughter with a babysitter (ever - is that weird?) but also from my anxiety disorder, which people simply don't understand.

Anyhoo - one good thing has come from all this awkwardness... I decided to make an "AWKWARD" necklace next time I have pendants fabricated for the VoxDolly shop. Surely I'm not the only person who feels this on a regular basis... and why not own up to it by wearing it on myself as a necklace? Maybe I'll make some dolly-sized versions too.

Sweet inspiration... at least that's an area of my life that doesn't feel weird or awkward.